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Mama and DNA -- Bad Combination!
by Tempa Daniels Worsham




This was just another day in the life of a harried parent.

Caleb and I finished a DNA project for his science class. This gave me a glimmer of where school violence begins. In our case, it is in the home. Our school project trials proved this is why people wage wars and why some students show up to school armed. I no longer have my doubts, because as we worked our way into Caleb’s logistical nightmare, I began to envision a large mushroom cloud hovering overhead. Yep, nuclear warhead and noxious fumes began to roll around my thoughts with comfort.

Why?

Well, it all started in a damp and gloomy school room where an underpaid science teacher assigned a DNA module. In my opinion, this should squelch all future plans of a raise for her, and my suspicions were confirmed about her own DNA's origin.

But opinion aside, teaching must go on and young minds must continue to be challenged -- or so parents are led to believe.

You see, Caleb had big plans to make a freestanding DNA module of which dreams are made. He wanted so badly to impress his classmates and teacher. Unfortunately, he comes from a gene pool of the creatively challenged; therefore, he'll be lucky if he gets a passing grade on the thing. No, I am not using “the thing” loosely.

By the time the module-building was all over, Caleb was ready to give up on school and life in general, Trevor was relieved it WASN'T HIS project, and I envisioned a world without DNA.

In the end, “the thing” had clear tape, duct tape, dental floss, wooden meat skewers, nails and glue all working together to make the creation "free standing." Then we moved the “free standing” module into a cardboard frame for further "free standing" support.

I told Trevor (next in our DNA line) in no uncertain terms that when it came time for his project next year, I would be renewing my passport and LEAVING THE COUNTRY. My final words were (these words have been censored for your viewing pleasure), “You better start hiring a new design team now!”

The verdict is official: All free standing aside, the project by Tempa & Caleb Designs was a free falling failure.

In conclusion, when it comes to school projects . . . hire a contractor.


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Tempa is a native of the Mississippi and the mother of two fine boys. She's an active member of Southern Humorists.

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