Y’all heard me right, getting naked on an auditorium stage at a well known university can really stir up some controversy, and the controversy in question happens to come from right here in central Georgia. It even happens to emanate from my own alma mater, the school that is nearest and dearest to my heart, Georgia College and State University. Do I have y’all’s attention now? I sure hope so. And now, without further ado, here’s the skinny...

A few weeks ago, some guy with an unpronounceable name who bills himself as a “performance artist” put on a show at GC&SU. Normally, a job title like “performance artist” means the guy is unemployed and is calling himself something like that to make it seem as though he’s not. Anyway, he apparently had people onstage with him and they got undressed in varying degrees during the performance. One lady even got naked and asked people to write on her with a magic marker. Better yet, some audience members peeled off their clothes and got personally involved in the production.

Needless to say, some in attendance enjoyed the experience, some were offended, and some didn‘t quite understand just what was going on. The school administrators are catching some flack from those somewhat prim, which is unfortunate as I sincerely believe they didn’t really understand what was going to be presented.

You know, you can slice this a lot of ways, and you can get into all kinds of pros and cons about nudity and censorship, but here’s the thing that’s really hitting me. This “performance artist” gets paid good money to run around all over the country just to get naked on various stages. Pretty easy job, if you ask me, and if the people getting naked onstage with him happen to look good, well, all the better for him and for those who are witnessing the performance out in the audience. He’s drawing a paycheck for doing something that all of us do every day of our lives and never see a cent for. To be honest, the more I think about this, the more I see there may be some potential bucks to be earned if I play my cards right. Here’s what I’m thinking...

What if I become a “performance artist,” and then enlist Ray and Hugh to go in on it with me? For a healthy fee, we could travel all over the country and get naked on various and sundry stages. We could call our show “The Brotherhood In A Natural State,” “Pale Tales,” “Georgia Swingers,“ or whatever else we might artistically come up with.

We’d do it right, too; we’d oil up like weightlifters just before we went onstage so that our pale, middle aged bodies would have that greasy, sculpted look about them. We’d then strike various poses, give everyone a good look at our profiles, and have artistic, disdainful expressions on our faces the entire time. The only problem I can see is I don’t want anyone writing on me with a magic marker, and I don’t think Ray or Hugh will either, but we’ll all take a vote to be democratic about it, and the majority of the Brotherhood will vote Hugh in to deal with the marker. All three of us firmly support the concept of democracy, and I’m sure Hugh will be comfortable with our decision.

Just think, we could take our show all over the country, and maybe, just maybe, for double our performance fee we could coax the Godfather, Ed Jr., to come out on the road with us, strip down, oil up, and work the crowd into a fever pitched frenzy. Doesn’t the thought of that just make y’all all want to go out and eat a big seven course dinner right about now?

And there you have it - a potential mid-life career change for the Pip, Hugh, and me, and a potential post retirement change for the Godfather. I think we’ll be the most original performance artists ever, and we won’t ask for all the perks that most rock stars do after their shows. About all we’ll need is sunburn cream, liniment, stretch mark salve, vitamins, limeade, Breyer’s Butter Pecan ice cream, and a few Nu-Way hot dogs.

Ed’s latest book, Rough As A Cob, can be ordered by calling
River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078.
He’s also a popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of Southeastern publications.
Readers may contact him via email at ED3, or through his web site at Ed-Williams.com.

Here are more of Ed’s entertaining columns at USADEEPSOUTH:
Experts Say . . .
Hanging out with the brotherhood at the IHOP


Want to leave a comment on Ed’s story?
Please visit our Message Board
or write Ye Editor at bethjacks@hotmail.com.
Thanks for visiting USADEEPSOUTH!

_____________________________________



Back to USADEEPSOUTH - I index page

Back to USADEEPSOUTH - II index page