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~~from off the 'Net~~

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1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight -- it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are pigs, cattle and oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 & I- 20 go east and west, I-55 goes north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have quarter million dollar air conditioned tractors that we drive 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish and crawdads. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That is applied to everyone, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Pace Picante Sauce.

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. High School football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang sight more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try the South. They come outta here with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.

16. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other area of the nation, so "Don't Mess with Southerners." If you do, you will get your hindparts kicked by the best.

God bless the Deep South!


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