by Ed Williams
It’s springtime, my favorite time of the year, which means that the Brotherhood will soon be going over to the IHOP for a well deserved weekend of rest, relaxation, artistic enrichment and fun!
For those of you who’ve read my columns for a while, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Some of you, however, haven’t a clue as to what my first paragraph means. That’s to be expected - this column has picked up newpapers and websites recently, which means that some of y’all aren’t aware of just what I’m talking about here. Because of that, I’m going to be a nice guy and give y’all some terms and definitions that will help get y’all up to speed for future columns. Here are the first ones:
The Brotherhood - The most elite social organization in the world, comprised of my two best friends (Ray Pippin, Hugh Foskey) and I. Ray and I grew up together, Hugh was inducted as the Junior Member of the Brotherhood back in ‘76. We love spending as much time together as we can. Some of our favorite activities are as follows:
Going to the IHOP to watch deeply enriching art films.
Sitting on the dock at the IHOP, unshaven, and engaging in meaningful conversation.
Sitting on the dock at the IHOP, sipping limeade, and listening to the Official Brotherhood Lake CD.
Going to Georgia Tech football games and then placing twenty to thirty bets, most of them on stuff so wild I can’t talk about them here.
Occasionally slipping over to Alabama or Florida to give them our hard-earned money at the dog track.
A “dozer” - A nap at the IHOP, best taken in our official Pawley’s Island hammock.
Ed Jr. - My dad, collectively known by the three of us as “The Godfather,” and the official imparter of sage wisdom to the Brotherhood. When times are tough and help is needed, Ed Jr. is the guy we all turn to. He’ll talk to you about just about anything, just please don’t mention Bobby Cox to him, cause he gets all red faced and hard core cusses for about thirty minutes if you do. Even after he finishes cussin’ he’ll still help you, just please don‘t mention Mr. Cox again.
A “haint” - A haint is someone so ugly that they would scare the proverbial ugly stick into not beating them. The word is a shortened version of, “He/she is ugly as hell, and it ain’t gonna get any better.” A three bag haint is the worst haint of all, this is someone so ugly that you could cover their face up with three paper bags and they’d still strain your eyes.
“Honin’ the Tulip” - A phrase passed on to us by the Godfather, Ed Jr. It’s his pet phrase for makin’ love, sparkin’, or makin’ whoopee, whichever is your preference. It is my literary goal to get this phrase out as a rather unique one for the most pleasurable thing on this earth that you can do.
Mr. Carp - A legendary fish that swims the waters around the IHOP; he weighs forty to fifty pounds and we have yet to catch him. Well, we did come close last summer as Mr. Carp did take the hook to one of our fishing poles, but Brother Foskey, who was seated closest to said pole, was taking a dozer due to over consumption of limeade and let the pole get pulled off into the water. After this miscue Hugh was decent enough to jump in the lake and fetch the pole, but Mr. Carp had escaped unscathed. (Hugh is still pretty sensitive about this; please don’t email him at hfoskey e-mail and tease him about it.)
The IHOP - Ray’s lake house on Lake Sinclair, the official residence of the Brotherhood. It’s so named because of the incredibly appealing breakfasts that Brother Pippin serves up when the three of us are there.
Hopefully, these terms will get all you newbies off to a good start as to just what we‘re talkin‘ about each week, and I’ll toss out more for y’all later on down the road so the things mentioned in this column become even clearer. Well, let me rethink that - if I give y’all more terms, then y’all will understand more about what we do over at the IHOP, and if that happens . . . hmmm, umm, well, I would stay longer with y’all and chat, but I’m headed over to the IHOP for some dibbling, then the three of us have to pat the brick. See you later!
Ed’s latest book, Rough As A Cob, can be ordered by calling
River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078.
He’s also a popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of Southeastern publications.
Readers may contact him via email at ED3, or through his web site at Ed-Williams.com.
Experts Say . . .
Read many more great stories listed on our USADS Articles pages.
Want to leave a comment on Ed’s story?
Please visit our Message Board
or write Ye Editor at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Back to USADEEPSOUTH - II index page