by Ed Williams
Sometimes those of us of the male persuasion don’t like to admit things that we hold deep inside for fear that we’ll be made fun of. All of you men out there know exactly what I mean -- if we admit we like to burp loudly, we’re accused of being savages; therefore, we can never admit to it. That also goes for a lot of other things that we like to do; but, if I write about any of them here, this column will never be published. So don‘t even think about asking me what they are. It really is a shame, you know, not being able to admit this stuff, ‘cause we men will always be men.
Well, despite all that, it’s time we men proudly step up to the plate and admit to something. Something that all of us hold near and dear to our hearts. Something that makes us men, something that’s an inner part of our essence, and something that makes the world go around. And that something, ladies and gentlemen, is:
We love women who have a little meat on their bones.
God, there’s nothing better. A mature woman, a lady who’s lived a little, and one who has nice, full curves just makes the world go around. And that’s not just me talkin‘, either. Let’s face it, most of us men feel this way. We want to hold a woman who feels soft, one who sort of melts into you. And if she’s like that and also happens to be a good smoocher, well, she’s worth her weight in gold and then some. She’s a prime woman, a seasoned fine wine of a female, and she’ll only get better with age.
Y’all think I’m off base on this? Just out there shooing flies in Alaska? Well then, please show me how many spinsters there are out there who are sassy and curvy? Not one. Nada. El zilcho. Let’s face it, all the old maids that I know are skinnier than racetrack dogs on diets, and that‘s being nice about it. When you get right down to it, a thin woman is pretty much like a small heater -- very little warmth comes out and lots of maintenance is required. Need I say more?
It should be easy for you ladies to understand why we men feel this way. If you take a full figured woman into a lingerie store, all the clerks will nod and smile at you, acknowledging the fact that you’re one lucky man. She’s also the best movie companion that you can ever have because you’ll feel all sexy and warm sitting next to her, and you never have to worry that she won’t enjoy some popcorn because “it has too many fat grams.” She’s a great asset at a business dinner as she’s typically quite smart and a great conversationalist, so she’ll mingle well with all the attendees. When you get right down to it, she’s a real woman, the best thing goin‘, and all the make-up and silicone in the world are pale substitutes for her awesome, natural gifts. She’s an ace, pure and simple.
Most of us men enjoy a nice, attractive woman of substance, the kind that we love so much that we deliberately take her to Italian or Mexican restaurants just so that we can make sure that she stays the woman she is.
Just remember that less is not always better, unless you’re a visiting relative or someone pushing a pyramid-marketing scheme involving insurance, cosmetics, or timeshare condominium sales.
BIO: Ed Williams
Born in Forsyth, Georgia, Ed was raised in Juliette and is a proud product of the Monroe County public school system. His life took a decided turn in 1995 when he bought a home computer and began writing down wild old stories about his upbringing in Juliette. These stories, through an unusual series of events, were published in 1998 in hardback under the title, Sex, Dead Dogs, and Me: The Juliette Journals.
Ed’s book started out in four bookstores in Macon, Georgia. Through word of mouth and the internet, eight months later he was being stocked nationally in the Books-A-Million chain. In December of 2000, Southern Charm Press (Atlanta) purchased the rights, and published the book in paperback. Since then, Ed's second book, entitled Rough As A Cob: More From the Juliette Journals, has been released (March 2003) in both hardback and trade paperback formats by River City Publishing. His third book, tentatively titled, Honin' The Tulip: Yet More Juliette Journals, is currently being considered for future publication.
Recently, Ed appeared on the Georgia Public Radio program, "Cover to Cover," and has begun writing a weekly nationally syndicated newspaper column called Free Wheelin'. He is in demand as a speaker, and is already being compared to some of Georgia’s most noted humorists.
Ed’s new book, Rough As A Cob, can be ordered by calling River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. You can contact him via email at: email@example.com, or through his web site address at: Ed-Williams.com.
Read another of Ed's stories at USADS.
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