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Battle of the Sexes
by Arnold D. Dyre

Periodically, my wife Beverly sees to it that I am exposed to culture. She says that men left entirely to their own devices will revert back to caveman status rather quickly. I, personally, think she judges us males too harshly, because I do not believe we would forsake the creature comforts of refrigerated beer and televised sporting events under any circumstances. However, I also believe that the battle of the sexes was won by the female of our species within moments of Adamís taking the first bite of the apple offered by Eve and I am man enough to admit that I do what my wife tells me to do.

Over the course of thirty-seven years of marriage, I have been exposed, like it or not, to museums, art exhibits, wine tasting events, operas, and theaters (and I donít mean picture shows featuring John Wayne). I have been forced to dress up in tuxedoes and have even been to New York City. None of the forced cultural exposure has changed me, unless you count the fact that I actually like caviar. It is definitely easier to take the boy out of the country than to take the country out of the boy.

Beverly insists that she does not want to change me. I think she just likes to make me suffer, but I give her little satisfaction. Recently Eli Manning and the Giants were on TV on the very same Sunday afternoon as a Jackson New Stage Theater production called, of all things, I Love You, Youíre Perfect, Now Change. I dutifully went to the theater without even the hint of an argument. Not wanting to appear suffering, I acted like I wanted to go.

There were a few other men in the audience but most of them looked like they had been over-exposed to culture and I think they didnít even know they were missing a football game. The production, a musical comedy revue, was all about the proverbial battle of the sexes and, every time a cleverly funny insult about male behavior was uttered, all the women nearby turned and watched for my reaction. I put on my best Texas Holdíem poker face and showed them nothing.

My dignity is still intact.


Arnold Dyre writes:
"I live in Madison, Mississippi, and am a 61-year old Jackson attorney, retired from active law practice. I was born in Montgomery County and grew up in Grenada County and currently write a weekly column for The Daily Star, a newspaper in Grenada, Mississippi. My weekly columns, as well as some features for various special editions, are mostly anecdotal musings calculated to interest local readers and relate primarily to nostalgic memories of experiences growing up in a rural community called Gore Springs. I have had similar types of pieces published in The Oxford SO & SO, The Tombigbee Country Magazine, and Yesterday's Memories."

"Additionally, I write short stories and poetry, and I've also completed two legal thriller/police/crime novels for which I am currently seeking the representation of a literary agent and/or publisher."


Read more of Arnold Dyre's stories here at USADS!
What Happened To Supper?
Be Suspicious of a Skinny Cook
How Much Sense Does It Take To Fall Off A Roof?

Read many more great stories listed on our USADS Articles pages.



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