Now, during the performances I removed my glasses because of the glare from the lights and because, well, I wanted to look my very best. So that I wouldn't have those little red marks on my nose later, I removed my glasses while walking down the sidewalk. I was running a little late so I was moving at a pretty fast pace. I had walked about 10 steps without my glasses when someone from across the street called to me. As I turned to see them I ran head on into a parking meter.

My first thought was that I had been hit by a bus. I hit the thing so hard that I believe I bent the post and I heard the change rattle inside. When I heard the jingle of the coins I remembered the line in "It's a wonderful life" that says: "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. I thought I'd just gotten mine.

Had the meter been a few inches taller it would have knocked every tooth out of my head. My burger was the only thing that cushioned my blow, though it was now flat as a pancake. At least I still had teeth to eat it with.

As I regained my composure and headed down the street I thought back on what had just happened. I believe the Lord was looking down at me, thinking that maybe I was getting a little full of myself and needed a solo performance. Well, maybe not a solo performance. Let's see how GOD likes dancing with a parking meter.

When the curtain went up on the next performance I wasn't thinking about myself anymore, and for the first time I truly danced . . . like no one was watching.

I hope my recording this experience will serve as a lesson to all -- please note I am doing so with one eye swollen shut and under the influence of pain medication, both of which will explain any typos.

Yesterday began as any other except we had no Christmas lights on the house. I set out to correct that by first getting out the extension ladder to put a star at the peak of our roof. I placed the star and started my descent. Little did I know at the time that I was about to take the ride of my life. Like Santa, I was about to experience true flight but without a sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.

I took the first step down and it was my last. My feet slipped and my legs went through the ladder, which flipped me upside down. I'm sure I looked like I was coming off the high dive at the Olympics. The trouble was that I was headed for a concrete pool with no water. I hit like a sack of potatoes, face first.

For a moment I was glad the ride was over. Then reality set in. I wished I was back in flight. I did some quick calculations. I multiplied the height from which I had fallen by my age and factored in one concrete sidewalk. I didn't like the answer.

I was able to get up but quickly decided that probably wasn't a good idea. Though it was a beautiful day, none of our neighbors were in their yards. My wife had gone shopping, so I called her on my cell phone. I told her I was okay (which was a small white lie) but had fallen and might need some help. As she rushed home she called a neighbor and he came running. Soon the yard was filled with neighbors. An ICU nurse who lives next door thought it best I take a ride in an ambulance. I was soon strapped to a body board and on my way. By the way, the body board is the very same method used to lift injured mules out of the Grand Canyon.

After several hours in the ER and lots of X-rays, it was determined that I had no broken bones. Though I am black and blue and swollen, I'm blessed to be alive. I believe that just before I hit the sidewalk my Guardian Angel caught me and prevented me from spending my first Christmas in Heaven. I have been truly blessed. As I am recovering from my fall, I now realize that I am in my latter years and not my ladder years!