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Uncle Willie and the prize deer
by Asa Sparks



After she married, Lena May especially enjoyed deer hunting season. Her husband, Uncle Willie, was gone from sun-up on opening day of bow-hunting season until sundown of the regular season. On the days he got a deer, he would bring it home to dress and freeze it, and catch some shut-eye before heading back out to his deer stand. As a result, he was not home many nights during deer season. Despite his perseverance, Uncle Willie just barely got enough for deer burgers, roasts, steaks, and his favorite, country-fried deer heart.

Lena May also loved the fall when she could can her favorite foods including tomatoes, green beans, corn, sauerkraut, and chow chow. But her special favorite was pickled collard greens. She even tried her hand at canning kudzu, but discovered it wasn't real tasty.

The couple's arrangement worked well until the day Uncle Willie found a doe who had been shot and left behind by one of those cowardly Yankee carpet-beggars, as he still called them. Sadly, the doe left a fawn orphaned.

Not knowing what else to do, Uncle Willie made his first mistake and brought the fawn home. He wanted to slaughter her for some tender venison, but Lena May cried and yelled, "You can't kill Bambi."

Then Uncle Willie made his second mistake.

Lena Mae loved her new pet and promptly named her "Baby Doe," treating her just like a baby by putting the shivering fawn in the middle of the bed between her and Uncle Willie where she could be snuggled and kept warm. That was Unk W's first night of many in his own bed with dear Lena May and deer, Baby Doe.

Baby Doe was pretty jealous.

At first, she was fed with a baby bottle, but she soon grew to where Lena May's canning had to be put aside because there weren't any fresh vegetables left. Lena May even made daily trips to the farmer's market at closing time to purchase the left-over and wilted produce.

Baby lived in luxury as Unk W fed her fresh fruits. Lena Mae even bought a red deer ID collar for her baby.

She also took daily pictures that showed Baby Doe's growth, but none of them Yankee publishers could see the beauty of a children's book, not even a video documentary.

Finally, the day came when Baby Doe matured. It came while Lena May had stopped off from the farmer's market to visit with her friends at the local "Imbibing and Temperance Sorority." They were dedicated to drinking the county dry.

When Lena May returned home, she found Baby Doe had enjoyed a visitor -- all over the house. Lena May and Uncle Willie soon became the proud grandparents of twins, Precious and Gracious.

As surrogate daughters sometimes do, Baby Doe eloped with her favorite young buck. Unfortunately, she had an untimely end caused by a John Deere.

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To read more of Asa’s stories at USADS, visit these links:
Uncle Willie and the New Car
Uncle Willie Shoots a Ford
Uncle Willie Gets Masseused

For more, click on the USADEEPSOUTH Articles Page.

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